There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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