I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
