Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
