**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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