fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
