oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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