If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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