Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
