New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize