I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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