It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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