Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
