I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
