the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
