Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
