the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
