she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
