He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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