I'm really into asian looking animals
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
