I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
