i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
is wine microwaveable?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize