just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
How naked do you want me to be?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
