Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
