I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
