I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
