I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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