They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
