R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Only a mothe r could love this liver
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
