Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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