you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?