Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.