Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.