i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
