the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I deserve this hangover.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
