I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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