I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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