So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
