I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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