You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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