And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
