I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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