So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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