wrigley field is MILF paradise
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
