What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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