xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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