Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
