im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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