1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
