I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
