Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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