You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she looked like the before picture.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
