I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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