I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
