I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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