Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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