No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
