clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
