My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
