I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
