I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
