I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
