It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
