I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize