Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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