I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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