Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
