i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
