Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
