last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
