I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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