My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
