I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
