this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i drank out of a bidet.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
