we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
