i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
be right there i have to get my cape
did you just send me my own nude
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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